First night of the Hunger Games!

I was terrified. I ran through the forest as fast as I could until I found a suitable tree. I hooked my sickle on a branch above my head and pulled myself up onto the rough bark. I reached over to a nearby branch and started to climb up, I got to a spot shielded from the outside horrors by thick, glossy green leaves. Screams in the distance caused me to jolt up and hit my head on a thin, leathery vine. I knew this vine, it was a deadly poison when prepared properly. I ripped a length off the tree and studied it, and decided the best way to turn it into toxin. Just as my thoughts start to form a plan, I see a young girl walk into the clearing below. She takes out a knife and starts scaling the tree I was hiding in. I become as still and silent as death. She pauses on a branch a few levels down from me. “Maybe I can become allies with this girl,” I thought. I wrapped the vine around my forearm and calmed my nerves.

“Hey, hey you,” I whisper.  She looks up at me, startled. I moved to a branch on the tree next to us and got at her level. Suddenly, she took her knife out and slashed it at me. I quickly shuffle back and quietly say, “Wait, I don’t want to hurt you. I want to offer an alliance. It would be you and me, what do you say?” she half nodded and I sighed in relief. I slowly moved onto the branch I was on originally and unwrapped the vine from my pale arm. “Come up here, it is a barrier of leaves. No one can see us…I’m sorry I never caught your name.”  “Juniper… Juniper Stowe,” she mumbled. “Cool, nice to meet you Juniper. I am Jasmine Benton, district 12.” She warily moves up and sits across the branch from me. I explain to her my plan of turning the vine into poison. She agreed by nodding her head. We work carefully on my plan for the rest of the night. I turn the vine into liquid poison, and Juniper made me a thin splinter of wood using her knife skills. I dip the wood into the poison, just enough so that only the tip was coated in silvery sap.

“Now, we wait.” I say with a sadistic grin, and she returns my bloodlust feeling by quietly saying, “I feel bad for the sorry tribute who crosses our path. We are unstoppable.” Slowly Juniper fell asleep and I was left to keep watch. Sometime during the endless night a girl walked by, I think her name was Luan. I aimed a perfect shot, and threw the splinter of wood at her and it landed in her arm. Almost instantly she collapsed, she started twitching and shaking uncontrollably. After about thirty seconds she started frothing  at the mouth and bleeding out from her nose, mouth, the small cut on her arm and her ears. Within one minute she was dead, and I felt so happy to kill someone. Juniper stirred beside me and stared down into the clearing. We grinned sadistically at each other and let out a soft, eerie, evil laugh.

Read 3 comments

  1. This was a good piece. I liked how you made an alliance. This part “Maybe I can become allies with this girl,” I thought…. should’ve been in italics and not quotation marks, since you thought it. Your attention getter did not do justice to the piece you wrote, so I would work on that as well.

  2. Your descriptive details shined throughout your piece! My favorite examples were: “I hooked my sickle on a branch above my head and pulled myself up onto the rough bark. I reached over to a nearby branch and started to climb up, I got to a spot shielded from the outside horrors by thick, glossy green leaves.” From this excerpt, I can imagine the rough bark and it gives me insight on the arena as you described the leaves as large, green, and glossy.
    I would only change your attention getter to something that uses sensory detail that describes how you were terrified.

  3. I really liked your story, Jessica. I liked how you included the part with you making an alliance. Although your attention getter was very poor, I would have worked on that more if I were you, to really grab the reader’s attention. The way you described things were so great like this one; ” After about thirty seconds she started frothing at the mouth and bleeding out from her nose, mouth, the small cut on her arm and her ears. Within one minute she was dead, and I felt so happy to kill someone.” It was such a great story, I would just work on your attention geater. Over all good job!

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