As I slowly rise up to the arena I feel my heart pounding out of my chest, I am worried that it will be a desert theme and my skills will be rendered useless. Once my eyes make contact with the arena I smirk, it is a tropical theme. My knowledge of plants give me the ability to make people hurt, to make them suffer and writhe in agony. I see the other tributes terrified of the course and some start balling, however I am still undaunted and know I can kill these weaklings. The scene of plants gives me a rush of pure power, and I feel invincible. I locate a shiny, metal sickle on the far edge of the cornucopia, and ready myself to dash out and my weapon. I can use my sickle as a murder weapon, a climbing tool, a plant harvesting device and a shield.
As the clock ticked down I prepared myself, and I launched myself like a bullet on the mark of zero, my blood rushed as I dashed to grab my sickle. One, two, three seconds and I reach my sickle and dash off into the forest. I see people screaming and pulsing out fresh blood behind me, this is going to be a fun game.
WOW! This was really good. You expressed your ideas very well! I liked your beginning paragraph, but you could’ve had a better attention getter!
First of all, I liked your use of sensory detail, which really showed me how your character is ready to kill. However, I did notice in some sentances there were a few grammar mistakes. For example, in this sentence: As I slowly rise up to the arena I feel my heart pounding out of my chest, I am worried that it will be a desert theme and my skills will be rendered useless.
It should instead have a semicolon between “chest” and “I”.
Also, in this sentence: My knowledge of plants give me the ability to make people hurt, to make them suffer and writhe in agony. It should be gives instead of give.
Great writing!
This was a really great story Jessica!! I really liked your opening sentence; “As I slowly rise up to the arena I feel my heart pounding out of my chest, I am worried that it will be a desert theme and my skills will be rendered useless.” It really grabbed my attention. If i could ask that you change a few things it would be in these two sentences, that you fix the grammar mistakes
1. “As I slowly rise up to the arena I feel my heart pounding out of my chest, I am worried that it will be a desert theme and my skills will be rendered useless.” There should be a semicolon instead of comma between “Chest” and “I”
2. “My knowledge of plants give me the ability to make people hurt, to make them suffer and writhe in agony. ” It should be “gives” instead of “give”
Otherwise this was an amazing piece!